來自 : http://www.lifescript.com/articles/6212.asp?page=5
Thanks my friend- Rabe for forwarding this to me .... though I do not understand why ..... or what I said to her to make her forward this to me ..... 感謝我的朋友Rabe轉寄這篇文章給我 雖然我不知道我是說了什麼讓他轉寄這篇給我 ......
After I have read this .... I am pretty sure that she didn't send me this just because what I had said to her ... because I haven't said anything to her about my previous relationship at all with her since I got back ... nor said anything except for how sad I was during that period while I was with her .... 在我讀了 之後 我發現應該不是我跟他說了什麼 因為我根本就沒說任何關於過去的事 除了提到在那段期間我是非常難過
Anyway , I am posting this for some people who might be in the similar situation like this , or perhaps someone you know has recently ended a long term relationship ... forward this to them .... hope you find it helpful ... : ) 反正 我把它post上來 或許對一些人正處於相似的情況 不知該怎麼辦的人 , 也或許對你們認識最近剛結束一段長時間的感情的人 會覺得這篇文章有所幫助
記得 這些只是參考意見 並不表示每個人的狀況都像這樣 Remember , though this is some professional advice ,it doesn't mean that everyone will experience the same situation as the following... don't take it too seriously ... afterall, everyone is different
妳OVER 妳的前男友了嗎? 我想這個問題是大家想問又不敢問 我覺得沒有人能忘掉任何人 更別說這個人佔去了妳生命中六年的時間
在我去Florida之前 我記得跟一個朋友說過 我覺得我永遠不可能原諒我的前男友說的話 哈 ! 永遠別說不可能會怎樣... 因為這我的美國行 我有機會見識到很多事 我有三週日去教堂, 說真的, 我還滿享受做禮拜的感覺
我也遇到很多夫妻 有些有著很棒的婚姻關係 有些則是有問題 有些人讓我體會到什麼是真愛 什麼才是一個正常 健康的關係 看到這一切一切 讓我開始回想很多事 包括我過去六年的生活
我現在很好 我只有再被問到是否有男友時才會想到他 現在的我不再對他感到憤恨 因為我選擇原諒他 原諒自己 我想我們兩人在過去都犯了錯
重要的是 我覺得去做到原諒的關鍵是"真正認識自己" ..這也是我在過去這幾個月在做的事 尋找自我 " Soul -Searching " 多棒的字呀 很恰當的描述我過去這一陣子的狀況 不斷發掘新的自己 有著新的想法 我很感激我能有機會認識那麼多的那麼棒的人
我可以很高興的告訴你 - Tanya現在很好
Tanya : "ARE you over your ex boyfriend ? " - I think this is a question that many of you want to ask me but are afraid to ... I will tell you now that I don't think i will ever be "over" my ex , I don't think anyone can be "over" someone who took a huge part in your life for 6 years.
Before I went to Florida , I remember telling my friend once that I didn't think that I would be able to forgive what my ex did/said to me ... but "Never say Never " .. during my stay in Florida ... I got to see a lot of things ... know a lot of people , I even went to church 3 sundays with my host families and I was surprised to myself that I actually enjoyed going to church.
I met many couples there ... some are in good relationships ,and some have bad ones... , some people who have showed me what ture love is , what a good , healthy relationship should be like ... it has made me start thinking about many things ... including the past 6 years of my life .
I am fine now ... I still think of my ex sometimes - only when I am asked if I am in a relationship ... I am holding no anger toward him ...because I chose to forgive him and myself . I suppose that we all made mistakes from time to time ...
the most importantly , I think the key to forgiveness is knowing yourself, " SOUL -SEARCHING " is such a good word , especially to describe the state I have been in for the past 4 months ... everyday I surprise myself by discovering more new feelings and new idea ...
I am grateful to have all the opportunities to get to know so many wonderful people ... and I am very happy to tell you that Tanya is really good now ...
Are You Over Your Ex?
Letting go of an old relationship and truly getting over your ex can be one of the biggest challenges life has to offer. Only time, forgiveness and soul-searching can help you to move on and put the pain behind you. But even if months or years have passed, part of you may still be hanging onto your ex or the memories of the relationship. You may still want to get back together after all this time or you may find yourself consumed with rage when you remember the abominable way you were treated. Oftentimes, feelings of longing for you ex manifest themselves in subtle ways that affect your daily life in more ways than you may realize. So how do you know if you’re truly over your ex? Read on to find out…
What Happens When You Visit Your Old Haunts?
There may be places all over your town that remind you of your former lover. For example, if you and your ex loved to spend Saturday mornings at the independent coffee shop down the street, you may think of him every time you drive by. Or, if your first kiss was at an amusement park, you may think nostalgically about the relationship every time you return for a visit. Thinking about your ex occasionally isn’t necessarily bad. After all, if you really loved someone then you can’t just expect to erase him completely from your memory.
If you pause to fondly remember the love you shared with that person and then proceed to enjoy your day, chances are that you’ve moved on. But if you stop to remember your ex and experience overwhelming sadness, depression and an ache in your heart, then you probably need more time to come to terms with the end of the relationship.
How Often Do You Think About Him? ( Tanya :only when I am being asked if I have a boyfriend or not ... )
It’s normal to think of your ex when you visit your old haunts or when he comes up in conversation. But do you think of him at random times when you should be focused on something else? Let’s say you’re at the mall, shopping for a birthday present for a friend. If every time you walk into a store you think, “That shirt would look good on him,” or “I bet he’d love to play that game,” then you may be trapped in an unhealthy pattern. Do you think about what your ex is doing while you’re at the grocery store, library, a meeting at work, or when you’re exercising? Worse, is thinking about your former lover all the time interfering with your ability to perform daily functions or preventing you from developing a new relationship? It’s normal to think about your ex 24/7 after you’ve first broken up, but if several months have passed and every little thing still reminds you of your relationship, then you probably haven’t moved on.
Schemes to Get Back Together ( Tanya: I think it makes the whole getting back together sound like a terrible thing ... because I have had this conversation with a few people who are happily married , and their spouses now are the ones who they had broken up with for a while before they got back again and got married ... for them , they disagree with this ... but , I think ... it depends on different situations , because why trying to get back to a bad relationship which you didn't want to be in at the first place anyway ... GO get a new man / woman !! )
Do you plan elaborate schemes that will help you get back together with your ex? Maybe you blow hundreds of dollars on an outfit by a designer you know she loves, or maybe you set fire to your own house so he’ll come save you (OK, we’re stretching it). Even if you’re not actively trying to win him back, do you fantasize about him falling back in love with you and getting back together? If this sounds like you, chances are you’re having trouble accepting that the relationship is over. Of course you will still miss your ex at times, but it’s important to stop yourself from obsessing about getting back together.
If you ever hope to move on with your life, you first need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is actually over. It’s OK if you miss your ex and want to see or even impress him or her occasionally. But if you show up “coincidentally” at all the same places as your former flame in an attempt to flirt and restore the relationship or if you run to the phone when it rings because you think she might be calling to get back together, try to stop. Avoid unhappiness and depression by getting rid of your false hope.
Revenge ( Tanya : Revenge ?? I have to admit that for a while I did think of getting a revenge as I was really hurt .... I am a very vengeful woman .... but now , I am fine as I realised that only forgiveness is the best way to your happiness .... it's not because who loved who more ... , Got it ? )
Let’s say that you don’t want to get back together with your ex. Are you unable to say his or her name in a sentence without using the words “cheating,” “slimy,” “no-good,” or “scuzzball”? Instead of scheming to make him or her fall in love with you again, are you plotting revenge? Acts of revenge range from sending her a dead fish in the mail to slashing his car tires. You’re justified if you feel angry and upset over a breakup, but if you feed your desire for revenge, your rage will consume you. The next time you find yourself plotting to ruin your former lover’s career or any other aspect of his or her life, stop yourself. Call a friend, read a book or write a poem. You are too good to seek revenge on someone who treated you badly.
What is Your Life Like Now? ( Tanya: I would be LUCKY if I could actually do nothing but lie around at home .... I have been busy .. working , and thinking how I can spend more money ..ha ha .... HUMM..." google" my ex ....? that sounds interesting .... wonder what will come out ... let's try " google " tanya first ... )
Do you stumble out of bed at noon, turn on the TV and spend the day in your pajamas? Or, do you spend hours on Google, looking for information about your ex in the hopes that you find something incriminating? If you spend your whole day moping or wallowing in sadness or anger, you’re setting yourself for long-term failure. Don’t give your ex the satisfaction of ruining your life, because that will just make him or her more powerful. Get out and have some fun, and make sure to take good care of your body by exercising and eating right. You owe it to yourself to pull it together and learn to enjoy your own interests and pursuits.
To Truly Move On ( Tanya: I , WE both had thought of being friends ...but I guess that we both realised that it was impossible ... so I've stopped mentioning ... only time will telll .... but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't say hello to her/ him when you see them online ... or run into them in a cafe ... if you can't handle that ... then you haven't truly forgiven ,or moved on )
Sometimes, years will pass before you feel that you’ve truly moved on. Though time can help the pain to go away, you may never forget your ex and the love you once shared, even if your relationship ended years ago. If you and your ex had a passionate relationship and built beautiful memories together, it may be impossible for you to forget about the relationship entirely. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing however, as long as you’re able to come to terms with what happened and find new love. Moving on and getting over someone doesn’t mean that you have to forget your past entirely – it means being able to find a place for him or her in your heart but still have the ability to move on with your life.
Even if you have moved on, be careful if you decide to pursue a friendship with this person. To make sure it’s a good idea, check out
Should You be Friends with your Ex? No matter what, keep your fond memories of the relationship, but try to put your rage or sadness behind you. Learn to take care of yourself and have fun on your own. You’ll be surprised by how strong you are.
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