Tanya & Hua Loo Loo in Switzerland

假設你和你的伴侶再前往週末假期目的地的路上  到了該吃晚飯的時候 你的伴侶拿出導遊指南想在附近找家館子 你好心想幫他 於是說:<.親愛的 書讓我看一一看 >  你的伴侶瞪了你一眼  然後說:<為什麼要給你看 你不相信我嗎 ? > 
You and your partner are away on a weekend holiday . It's time for dinner, and your partner is reading the guidebook to find out about restaurants in the area. You reach out and say , " Honey, let me see the book . "  Your partner glares back at you and responds, " why , don't you trust me to do it right ? "

  我們可能覺得很奇怪 這跟相不相信你有什麼關係 ?

 You think yourself , " WHAT DOES WHAT I SAID TO HIM HAVE TO DO WITH TRUST ?"

  ~ 所以我們得避免使用會讓男人失去自信心的言辭 ~  Avoid using language that makes a man feel wrong ...  it doesn't suggest that as a woman , you tiptoe around men and either avoid giving them negative feedback or " sweeten" it so you don't hurt their feelings. (what are they made of , glass?? ) Here, we suggest you coomunicate with sensitivity . And of course , if a man is mistreating you , or hurting you , son't worry about how he is going to take your feedback- stand up for yourself !  ( I like that , I will even give him a punch on his face )

但並不是處處順著男人 不敢傷他們的感情和自尊 (他們又不是玻璃做的 ) 只是要學著以感性與他們溝通

 ~ 多給伴侶一些鼓勵與讚美 ~  Give your man lots of acknowledgment and praise  ( This one I failed really badly ..... learning how to give people praise , especially to my students ..... it helps , actually , I have found , not for them , but more for myself .....  )

I can't overemphasize how much acknowledgment and appreciation men need- much more than you would ever imagine. Your man might not ask you for it , he might deny that he needs it , he might even act as if he doesn't enjoy it when you do it . Don't believe him !    Since men grow up with a lifetime of conditioning that tells them they should know all the answers and do things right, they need lots of support and prsise, not just for their accomplishments, but for simply being who they are. 
 男人需要鼓勵與讚美的程度超過我們能想像  你的伴侶可能會要求你說一些好聽的話 他也可能否認他需要奉承 當你讚美他時 他也可能故作不喜歡的樣子 ……   但是請務必相信　他們可高興的很！　由於男人從小在一個教導他們必須無所不知　不能犯錯的環境中長大　他需要不斷的支持和鼓勵　不僅僅是他們的事業成就　就連他們的人格表現都需要別人的肯定　(　難怪Tanya認識的一位男性朋友就常動不動就明示暗示說自己人格有多好　也難怪愛跟朋友一起　因為他們的各方面都並沒有他好　事業金錢上　自然在朋友中獲得他所需要的肯定　或許我們人在淺意識都希望比別人好　)　

~ 與妳的伴侶討論相關知識 ~ Men love to feel understood  (Tanya:  who doesn't ? )  talk to him and let him know that you don't want to make him wrong, and that you want to work together with him so that you can give him advice and feedback without his feeling you are criticizing him.....  ( Tanya: Men! it sounds so easy .. :( )