I love cheese .... any kind of it , the smelly one is better , Camembert is one of my favorite ... I am eating it now as I am writing
I have been busy and there have been so many things happened .... finally I have got some time tonight and I decided to write down what has been in my mind before I forget about them.... ha ha
It all started from the books I read ... The Present and Good Luck ... I have assigned three of my students to read the book - The Present , ( the English Version , of course ) , and will ask a few of other students to read the book - Good luck next month ....
How amazing that each person gets different ideas or feelings from the same book .... a very clever student of mine who is only 14 years old , after she had read about 30 pages of the book , she said that her relationships with her school teacher and classmates are getting better now ans she feels happier , she no longer feels angry with them ... as she realised that we can't change other people but we can only change ourselves .
I am so touched to see her actually getting something from the story she is reading ...and glad that it has helped her in a way .... I often think that they are not only my students but my teachers as well , because I have learned so much from them by talking to them , sharing their stories .... we often mistaken that kids do not know much .... but it's not ture , sometimes they see the world better than we do ....
Another two students of mine - S and T , recently have had an arguement over a tiny tiny thing ..... so they decided not to speak to each other ..... but the problem is ...they are cousins and they live basically across from the street ....
the story is T said that she would go to the bookstore with S , but later she changed her mind ... then while they were having dinner together , she asked S to get something for her in the bookstore ( according to S , T was telling her this in a not so good tone ) then S told T to " eat shit !! " ( well, they often say this to each other ) then T got mad and said to S if she didn't get the thing for her , she would ask her dad not to give her a ride back to school that weekend .... so both of them got mad at each other
T said she didn't know why she said this to S , but later she admitted that she was angry and wanted to hurt S , but she had no idea why S would get so angry with her when she asked her to get something for her in the bookstore ....
The next day , I saw S , she also told me what happened that day .... she got quite angry and telling me that T is always threatening her by telling her that she wouldn't let her ride in her dad's car.. which makes her feel unwanted ...
then I asked S why she was rude to T when she asked her to get something for her ...... first , she said , it was because she wasn't polite enough when she asked her..... then she admitted it was because of the fact that T didn't want to go to the bookstore with her ..... and she felt hurt so she told her to eat shit to hurt her .....
IF both of them had taken a moment to try to understand why they were so angry with each other - just because S wanted T's company to the bookstore , and nothing would have happened ..
Alas .... sometimes we will be surprised to learn how things would end so differently if we are willing to stop for a second to think about why people have said thing like this or done thing like that before we let our anger take control over us and say things we regret later .... sometimes after you have asked why people are having this kind of reaction ...and you might realise that there is nothing to be angry about ... and you may take different actions toward the situation at the time .
In the case of S and T , when I asked S what she was going to do with T , she quickly replied , " I am not going to talk to her , because a similar situation happened years before , we had an arguement , when I came over theirs , T ignored me and refused to talk to me for days .... it really hurt .... and I don't want to feel like that again ..... "
I said : " you are now assuming what T might behave the same as she did many years ago, but we don't know if she will or not ......... what if she did the same thing to you this time , remember , if we can't change other people , then we change ourselves ... perhaps this time you can go to her and talk to her first ... "
Then I remembered that I had told my late ex the similar thing before ......... I told him that I think a relationship is like playing in a tennis game ... it takes two players to play a game , and we both ended up getting hurt because of the way we used to play the game was wrong ... and he told me that he couldn't change and he didn't want to change ... I said to him that he didn't have to change but I would change the way I play in the game ... and it would make a difference .... of course , he couldn't understand ...
I told my student about this to remind her that we do not expect people to change , instead we change ourselves first , once your attitude is different , and everyting , everyone around you will be different too ...
It'sbrought me to other topic , I recently heard someone say that he wanted to find someone special to get married with ............ it reminded me of my late ex , for he always said that it would take him a long time to find someone really special for him .......... well, in a way , it sounds like a compliment to me , as if I was honored to be special enough to be his girlfriend by his standard .... but I think there is something wrong with it .... He was expecting to find someone special ... does it mean that he thought that he was very special too ? He said he couldn't change , I had to accept for who he was , and as well all his friends , you must love each of his friends .... and make no judgements while he could do and say whatever he liked to mine .... sounds pretty fair ? I know ..
He knew that he was difficult to be with ... he knew he had problems , but he wanted to find someone special enough to be able to HANDLE the personality of his .... he said I could .... but the truth is I HAD enough .... basically he was a very selfish and se;f-centered person .... some of my relatives came over last weekend , and my aunt was aking me how I was doing , then she asked about my late ex , I said that we had stop contacting , as I found out that he was a liar , lied about lots of things .... and I told her what he said to me the last time we talked on the phone ... when she heard about what he said how much he would like to spend his weekends with his family and A LOT OF people ..... she shook her head and said , this is a man who is very lonely and empty inside , that's why he needed to be around with a lot of people , he needed a crowd ..... all of the sudden , I think my aunt might be right .... instead of waiting for someone special to handle him , why not start changing himself .... no one deserve to get the treatment I got from him ..... he may lie to his friends , family or even himself how well he treated me , or loved me .... but the truth lies in front of us ....
A taxi driver I met said that he fancies to have a girlfriend who is a profesional model ... but he knows that it will only be a dream ..... of course it will be only a dream if you don't create an enviroment to make it happen ... sometimes , I think there are a lot of people often sit at home and TALK about their dreams ... and whine about their misfortune... for eample , if you wish to be a computer programmer , but you always look for work as a salesperson ... or you do not enroll in any computer programming lessons or take any necessary actions ... of course you will never get what you want ...
This afternoon was chatting with three girlfriends on MSN ... and we were talking about sex ...... and just earlier , I was chatting with one of them again .... and the topic was about sex again....... what happened today ??
anyway, I was telling her that one time my late ex and I did it once in the hospital bed while he was staying there for a week because he had his appendix taken out ............ she was shocked ... she siad " You super couple " ha ha ... but actually we were also talking about oral sex ( she brought it up , not me )...... I guess that the only thing me and my late ex had in commen is that we both enjoyed sex ... ha ha ( I think I am sharing too much information here again.... )
Your destiny is in your own hands ... I really believe in this
My friend often tells me that " People come into the world alone , and leave the world alone as well " I am still not sure if I really agree with it ... depends on what " alone " means ... if you mean physically alone , yes, but not mentally ...
No matter how insignificant an experience is , it is helpful to a person's growth......... I am feeling like I have finally awaken from a long sleep ... and learning and changing .... changing to be a better person to meet my perfect half .. : )
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