We want love , he gives you logic .－Tanya & Hua Loo Loo in Switzerland

Have you ever had a problem , felt like you needed your man to comfort or love you ,and when you reached out for help, had him give you a lecture or advice instead ? (Tanya has had this painful experience , at that time I didn’t know what I wanted though but was fuming with rage ….and thinking why would a British guy like him be so self righteous and nagging )

Have you ever tried to share your feelings of sadness or fear with your partner, only to have him accuse you of being too emotional and needy ?

As a woman , we want to be ~

Reassured

Comforted

Hugged

Listened to

Soothed

Told everything is going to be all right

( A man I know , MIGHT tell you that " I can't lie to you " , and the funny part is , according to him , his friends seem to agree with him on this ~ humm..no wonder they are friends ~ I don't know which upsets me the most, is that he can't give me the comfort I want or he agrees with his freinds? )

instead , we get :

Advice

Questions

Lectures

Blame for being so upset

We want love , he gives you logic . we want to be “ mothered “ , he acts more like a father

I was having problems with some of my employees at my office, and was feeling frustrated about their attitudes toward their job performance. I came home at the end of the day , stomped into the house and ran into the man I was married to at that time .” I am so mad I could burst !” I exclaimed and began to unload my frustrations about the situation in my business. My husband listened for a few minutes, and as we stood by the stairs in the front hallway, he proceeded to spend twenty minutes presenting me with a step-by-step business plan that would help to resolve my problems, pointing out what I had done wrong in the past that had contributed to the present situation . I became angrier and angrier , until I burst into tears .

" What’s wrong ? “ He asked “ Don’t you like these ideas?’

“I don’t give a---- about your ideas, “ I replied.” I came in here upset and just needing some comfort ,and you end up giving me a lecture ,” “ well, I am sorry I didn’t do it perfectly, the way you think I should have , “ he retorted .

Who was right and who was wrong ? Neither of us . He thought he was “ helping” me by offering his advice. It didn’t occur to him that I would have felt even better if he’d held me on his lap, listened to me, told me everything would be okay ,and just loved me for a while . ( My P was really good at GIVE HIS DAMN ADVICE … according to his word ~ He just had to say it or he would forget what he was going to say Alas ~! )

And I thought that he was being insensitive and unresponsive to my needs , when the truth was, he was giving me what he considered to be the most valuable commodity at that moment : solutions for my problem. ( Me : really ?? )

Here is what you need to remember : MEN ARE SOLUTION ORIENTED

When your man sees you upset about a problem , his mind instantly goes into automatic pilot and thinks solution ..solution. He may not even have a solution, but that’s not the point. He will stall for time by asking you questions about the problem, or looking quite and pensive. You think he’s being an unresponsive jerk. He thinks he’s being your knight in shinning armor,coming to your rescue .

This explains why a man often becomes angry when you discuss a problem or show your vulnerability. It’s not that he’s angry at you – he’s angry because ~

He feels responsible for finding a solution

He doesn’t have a solution and feels stupid and like he failed you

This was exactly what was happening in the case of my employee problem at work . My husband heard me come in the door and complain about my situation at the office , and he instantly felt like I was asking him to help me . He began spouting off advice and suggestions , and the more he counseled me and didn’t comfort me, the angrier at him I got . The more he saw me becoming angry, instead of feeling better because of his terrific advice, the angrier at me he became .

It took us hours of intense conversation to unravel what had happened that day , but it was worth it – that incident taught me the answer to this mystery about men. Like most men , my husband couldn’t believe that I would have been satisfied just being listened to or held . “ you mean , all I had to do to get you to stop crying and carrying on was to hold you and tell you it would be okay ? “ he said afterward. “ you didn’t expect me to make it all better ? “