聽著鼓的打擊聲 背景音樂 人的談笑聲 瀰漫再空氣中的香煙味道 溫溫的清酒 冰冰的白酒 美食 加上與一位老友的放鬆互動的談話 這是一個完美的evening .
the sound of drums beating , background music playing , people talking ... laughters ..... the smell of cigarettes in the air ... warm sake , chilled white wine ... great food ... relaxed , connected conversations with an OLD friend = A Perfect Evening .
What is it to make us become friends , not sure . But this Old friend of mine is like someone who seems to be distant as we do not contact each other on a regular basis , but whenver we meet and chat .... 10 minutes talk is often extended to 1 hour , 2 hours ........... like tonight ,sitting in a restaurant talking for nearly 7 hours .... 8:30 PM ~3:30 AM .....
不知為什麼 我忽然很想再把這張照片拿出來看 有時想 我為什麼會跟他成為好友 真的是很奇怪 但是他就像是一個看似有距離因為我們並不常連絡 他有他的家庭 工作在忙 但是每當我們碰在一起時 就只有我們兩人時 常常是10分鐘的談話會變成一小時 兩小時 ....... 像今天 坐在餐廳 我們從8:30晚上碰面一直講到餐廳關門3:30早上 (我昨天還上了一天的課 7,8小時的課 難怪今天喉嚨很不舒服 )
we talked a lot .... about my past relationship and the present ...about our jobs , plans for the future , family members ...... TV programs ... there was so much for us to catch up with .... just didn't have enough time ..... comfortable and enjoyable , no mind games required , just being open with each other , that's what I look for in a friend .
我們到底再說什麼呢 我們好像兩個失憶老人 常常話講一半會轉到另一段去 然後就忘了之前在說什麼 或想說什麼 我們聊著我的過去的感情 當然又問到P, 現在的對象 我們的工作 嗜好 家人 朋友 電視節目 我們的未來願景 ............... 似乎有聊不完的話題 但是沒有足夠的時間
我對朋友的看法是 只要相處聊天是沒負擔 舒服 沒有什麼文字遊戲 就是很公開的談話連彼此的想法 這是我選擇朋友的方式
What surprise me is how he deals with his work and people he works with .... as if I was looking at a different person .... I am really happy for him .
I remember reading his wife's blog and she says that one morning , she and two kids woke up and saw her husband standing by the bed staring at them with a silly smile on his face ....... asking him what he was thinking , he said " You are the reason why I am working for , so I have to work harder "
讓我驚訝的是 我朋友跟我描述他跟公司同事上司的相處狀況 他對工作態度的看法 忽然覺得我好像在看著完全不同的人 我從跟他談話中又學到很多 真的很替他開心
我記得看過他老婆的網誌 寫著 一早起床看到她老公站在床邊看這他及兩個小孩臉上掛著傻笑 問他在想什麼 "他說當他早起準備去上班, 看到他的老婆和女兒還在熟睡的臉, 就告訴自己更應該努力賺錢 ＂ 我告訴他 我看到這段時 我真的是很感動 真是羨慕他可愛的老婆小孩
他跟我說他也是這樣告訴老闆 他並不是為公司工作 他這麼努力是為了家人 簡單明瞭 不需太多解釋與冠冕堂璜的理由
當人很確實知道自己的目標時 真的讓自己的路好走很多
我喜歡這句話 " If you want the RAINBOW , You Gotta put up with the RAIN " 你若是想要彩虹 你就必須忍受下雨
彩虹是我們目標 我們的夢想 在達到目標夢想前 中間的過程可能是不舒服 甚至無法忍受 可能會想放棄 但是我們有時就需忍耐 堅持下去
有目標是很重要
Knowing your goal , what you are working for is important ... Rainbow is like the goal the dream we have , the to achieve the goal , we might experience a lot of things , or encounter with people who make us feel uncomfortable and discouranged ... and we might want to give up ....but we must hang in there if we want to get what you want .
He told me that he said the same thing to the company ... he isn't working for the company but his family ... I was very touched when I read what his wife described ....
I thought I would feel like crying when I saw him , but I didn't . Not that I tried not to cry , or feel emotional , but the fact is I couldn't think of any reason to make me feel like crying ..... Perhaps there isn't anything sad to talk about now ... He asked me about P , of course .
I didn't really want to say anymore about P , because there isn't anything constructive to talk about... I would say what he had said to me the other day ... and how now he chose to respond .... things he does that I don't understand ... I not angry or sad ... HE is P .... that is the way he is .... GOOD or BAD ? I don't want to comment on him ...
我以為當我我遇到他時 若是在講到一些事情 我會難過的哭 但是我並沒有 也不是我盡力忍住不哭 而是我想哭但是還哭不出來 因為根本沒事好讓我哭或難過
當然 他沒多久就問我P的事
我是不打算講他 不是因為會令我難過 而是 好像沒啥好講 在講他的事 也不過是他今天又跟我說了些什麼我覺得很奇怪的話 沒什麼建設性 我也不生氣 也不難過
反正他就是P 他就是這樣 好與壞 我不想去下評論了
however, I did notice one thing , when I mentioned about the morning that P called , and also what he said to me about why not change an year ago .....
my friend said " so he still thinks that you are the one who needs to change , and it's your fault "
another friend also said the similar thing when I showed her his emails ....
然而 我倒是發現一件事 當我不可避免的提到P時 當我說他那天打電話來 或說他說我為何不在一年前改變等等 我朋友說 " 所以他還是認為是你的錯 你需要改 "
我想 似乎含意是這樣 於是我想起 我跟另一位朋友看P給我的信時 他也說他這句話就是在怪你 類似的情況其實發生過
I wonder if I take a large part of responsibility here for all this ... how people think of your partner is all up to the attitude you show toward your partner ... so when they have so many negative ideas about this person , perhaps its' us to pass the negative thoughts to them at the first place . Even though , when you are talking about it , it doesn't really bother you that much , you only want to talk about it ... but people who hear you saying might be misleaded .
我不是在怪任何人 若真是要怪 應該是怪自己 我想我自已要負一大半責任當你的朋友家人對你的另一半有負面想法時 因為你表現出來對你另一半的態度 或散發出的訊息 就算當時你並不是真的很介意 只是拿出來唸一唸 但是 聽的人再不清楚真正狀況時會被誤導
I think about why I still keep trying to contact him ........ well, of course , there are many reasons for me , HIM , US shouldn't contact .... a lot of down sides ....
我認真想了 一下 為什麼還繼續連絡 當然 有一大堆為什麼我們"不"該聯絡的原因 負面原因
人很容易說出一堆批評人 或是負面的想法 或許是預防萬一 總是先做好最壞的打算 但是想負面事情久了 就變成看事情的習慣
It's so easy for us to criticise things or people , or give out some negative thoughts ... perhaps it's because we are prepared for the worst ...
however, I do think that when we keep reminding ourselves of the downsides ... it will become a habit of ours , we become used to examing things like this way ...
But I seem to forget about the GOOD sides , the positive feelings , emotions that I get when I talk to him .... I don't want to dwell on the negative feelings ... as I can make them not so negative if I try to look at them from a different perspective ...
我覺得我常常忘記一些好的事情 正面感覺 正面情緒 所以我開始問自己 那當我們繼續連絡時 有哪些好處呢 我不想讓自己停留在負面情緒中 我覺得要學著如何從不同角度去看事情把負面情緒轉成正面
昨天下午 我幫媽媽拜拜 所以得下樓去燒金紙 我很沒耐心 覺得要燒很久 我就常常是一把就丟進去
昨天要特多金紙 加上要有學生等上課 更是不耐煩
心中想著 "我真討厭燒金紙 " 正準備說出口時 忽然想到 不對 我越是這樣想 我會越不開心 這件事還是得完成它 我就馬上提醒自己 要有正面思考
於是 找出一個好處 我就說了 "真好 今天天氣冷 我們可以站在火邊烤火取暖 " 說也奇怪 當我這樣想時 我真的開始感受到火的溫度 暖暖的 但在那之前我完全感受不到任何東西 就是煩 了解這點後 我心情頓時好了很多 覺得可以開心燒金紙
Yesterday afternoon , was helping my mom worshipping and going downstairs bruning paper money ... I am very impatient ...especially with this ... I often toss all in at once ... trying to finish it as soon as possible .... howvever , there was a lot to be burned yesterday , and I had a student wating to take lesson , so I was even more impatient ...
I was thinking " Gee ..I hate doing this " as I was about to say it out loud , I suddenly remembered , " wait ! the more I think about how much I hate it , the unhappier I will become ... and I still have to do it ... NO , I must have a positive thinking ... "
So I tried to think of an advantage of burning paper money ... then I said " humm.. it's cold today , and we are here standing by the fire and it keeps us warm "
and as soon as I said it .. I could really feel the heat of the fire .... so warm .... and I couldn't feel it before I realised it , I only felt annoyed ...
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