I got a surprising visitor tonight ,
at around midnight , a friend showed up at my house and we talked for a while .... same old problems... never been able to fix them ,and the situation is only getting worse ....
relationships can be really hard , I think .... communication is the key to a happy relationship , but it's also the hardest lesson to learn ... we all talk about communicate communicate .... but most of us hope to make other people to understand us , how we feel .. and why we do things by COMMUNICATING ... is this what communicating all about ? to make others to understand us ??
and by doing so , does that mean that we are asking them to CHANGE ??
He yealls , " I can't change , I don't want to change , and you should be the one need to change ....... "
She yells back , " I am trying to learn to communicate with you , but you must stop talking like this ..... " ( here , she is sending him a message that he needs to change first , and he gets mad )
In general , men are afraid to change ... for example , men rarely change their hair style ... they don't like the idea that they NEED to change, they talk a lot about what they have read from books ... but they usually find it easily to say than done ... but women are more comfortable with chnages ... we often change our hair style , our fashion style , jobs ... women change their jobs more often than men ...
I am now not expecting to change how people talk or do things ... because that's their choice . However , I can choose to change myself not to pay too much attention to what some certain people say , especially when they are saying something negative ..... and at the same time , I don't expect people to understand me ... to understand what I do , why I say things ......
I change how I deal with other people's reactions ....
for example , I was contacting with my ex last time , he said something that would normally upset me and make me want to argue with him in th past , but then I decided not to say anything ...not to over emphasise on the feelings that his awful attitude brought me ... no matter why he was being like that .... I am sure he had his reasons ,but I don't need to be bothered or suffered by them .... I actually feel really good after talking to him ... I was doing what I think was right ,.
as for my friend, she has reached a dead end where she is stuck , can't move forward , because the wall in front of her won;t move , therefore , she has to figure another way out .... I told her not to believe in fate or destiny .......... there is no one should be with someone forever , not especially when one of them is not happy , or even both of them are suffering from it ...
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