Tanya & Hua Loo Loo in Switzerland

昨天晚上邊上網邊看電視

忽然看到"大學生了沒"的節目

討論學生出國留學的事情

也邀請到一位因為在網路上寫自己感情故事而出書的女生-欣西亞

他因為交往過三位外國人 加上自己將自己是如何主動追求到現在的美國籍老公的故事寫在網誌上而小有名氣

(事實上我是昨天才知道有這麼一號人物)　

總之她在描述他是如何追求到她老公的過程中　他說了一個名詞＂Friend with benefit＂ 

中文的意思大概是說　有利益關係的朋友　恩　什麼利益關係呢　

就是性關係啦　

我的說法是　這種叫做　"Booty call "

中文是　＂砲友"

我之前也聽過多朋友　特別是男性朋友（老外居多）像是我的前男友就跟我說過他與我分手後的女性朋友就只是朋友

偶爾大家上上床　不約會

就是各取所需............的屁啦

我們(我與當時他的一位朋友)當時就跟他警告過女生的想法與男生通常是不同

尤其是外國人與東方女生在特定場合認識的情況下　

　男生的自私心態總是把這種情況自我解釋為　大家你情我願　各取所需　

不過這都是看對象的　他們這群男人挑的對象都是抱著＂總有一天會有結果＂的心態居多

但是又礙於男方已經挑明講　不談感情　也因此就這樣繼續下去到男方主動不再繼續為止

例子ㄓㄧ就是　

昨天的欣西亞也說

他在美國看到他現在老公　也是主動連絡

甚至在她老公表明說　他還年輕不想定下來　想多玩玩　也就是說他不承認她是他的女朋友

就算是已經有關係

因此當她老公去西班牙學西班牙文時

她也就主動追過去找他

雙方都很清楚的知道

她對他而言　就是一個主動送上門來的＂方便＂　

女生也很清楚

但是　說到這裡　我真的很佩服她的毅力

她繼續堅持的＂纏＂下去

甚至那個男的到大陸去敎英文後

她也跟去

男的說是到那時才對她有認真的想法

女生也說用了一些小手段之類的

總之　他們現在結婚了


這聽起來似乎是個公主王子結合的快樂結局


不過　我想日後的考驗才真正開始


最近流行的敗犬說

我很不以為然

似乎把結婚當成終極目標

沒結成婚　或是沒結過婚的　就是敗犬

那些離婚的呢　或是婚姻不幸福的呢

就是值得驕傲的＂勝犬＂嗎


我覺得　要結婚很簡單

要懂得選對的人結婚需要智慧

如何經營一個長久快樂婚姻關係是才是最大挑戰　


通常女生比較玩不起這種＂利益＂遊戲

女生畢竟比較容易因為生理關係而放下較多的心理感情牽絆

不過　我不是反對這種 Friends with bebefits 的關係

而是當事人要很清楚的　坦然的＂享受＂這樣的不長久的關係　

做與不做　都是自己的選擇　


我想我寧願做個快樂的敗犬　也不願做個帶著面具的勝犬吧


一個親戚嫁了個老公

結婚多年　兩人當初因為年紀關係　被大家介紹因此結婚

結婚後　個性明顯差很多　

女方依照中國傳統婦女美德的順應老公

最後的結果是　自己也受不了

現在是在家　很少說話　

連出國都是各付各的旅費

一起出國　卻可以都不走在一起　不說話


想離婚　男方不肯　

表面上看來　他們似乎很合諧　

實際知道內情的都在搖頭　

但是　奇怪的是

沒有人贊成他們離婚


還有一個親戚

結婚前沒有與老公發生關係

一結婚的隔天　跑回娘家哭訴說　先生＂不舉＂

在鄉下地方　這種事情絕對不能拿出來說　也不能因為這樣離婚

因此媽媽就苦勸女兒接受

並要求男方去接受治療　

幾年後　她懷孕了　（聽說就那麼一千零一次就中獎了）　

老公很老實　每天努力賺錢

錢都交給老婆

每天身上只帶100元

這樣的老公　聽起來不錯吧


可是性生活還是零

因此目前老婆還是想要離婚


可是

大家還是勸她不要離婚


我只能說　要當個對自己好　懂得保護自己利益的女人

If you’re like many singles, there exists a person in your life from the opposite sex that for whatever reason never interested you enough to date. As time goes on, perhaps there are even moments of flirtation with your pal and thoughts of a sexual nature. Perhaps one of you was always seeing someone, making it impossible for you to date each other.

If you break up with your partner or otherwise find yourself alone, this friend may seem like a viable solution to get over feelings of loneliness. But before you jump into bed with someone you care about only as a friend, consider these points.

Adding sex to any relationship – casual or not – changes it. So if you’re having intercourse with a friend it irrevocably changes the way that relationship will proceed. It’s possible that the two of you will remain friends, but you’ll never be as close as you were before you crossed the physical line. Besides that, it may take several years before you are truly able to think of your friend in the platonic way you did before you slept with him or her.

One mistake people make in a “bed buddy” situation is thinking that casual sex with a friend is no big deal. There are usually underlying feelings of attraction involved already when two friends decide to have sex. If one person likes the other more, it can cause embarrassment and hurt feelings.

The other problem is when you have sexual intercourse your body naturally releases hormones which are shown to increase feelings of love and attraction. In other words, if you’re trying to deny your feelings, you’re kidding yourself.

Some singles believe that if they casually have sex with their friend, the possibility exists that they might fall in love or at the very least start up a relationship. This is false. If you want to date someone you once thought of as a friend, fine. But by jumping in the sack when you’re both lonely, you’re admitting your friend isn’t really good enough for you and the only reason you’re with him or her is out of boredom, loneliness, or laziness.

Often a “friends with benefits” situation begins because singles simply get tired of waiting for the right person to come along. This is especially true if you have been single for a while, or if the rest of your social group is married. It can be difficult to have patience and trust that there is someone special out there for you.

This is especially true if you’ve tried to stay pals with him or her. When you meet someone new, how will you feel about your friend then? Will you really want to continue to hang out with him or her once you’ve finally fallen in love for real?

Many singles actually lose the friendship they once had with someone they decided to bed temporarily. People that were close for years as friends find it slightly awkward to be around each other when they try and have relationships with other people. More than that, when you know you have someone you can always fall back into bed with, it makes it more difficult to truly let go when you meet someone new. You end up sabotaging a new relationship before it even begins.