Tanya & Hua Loo Loo in Switzerland

" What if the The Present  is very painful, like experiencing the loss of a loved one ? "   the young man asked the old man ...  
" Pain , " the old man offered , " is the difference between what is , and what you want it to be  " 


" pain in the present , like everything else, is constantly changing . It will come and go  . When you stay fully in the Present and have felt the pain , and feel drained by it , you can begin to look for what is right, and build on it . "  
　

" It's important to experience painful situations and learn from them , rather than try to distract yourself with something else "  
有痛苦經驗而能從中學習是很重要　遠比利用做其他事來讓自己分心有用　　　


" How present were you when you were with your sweetheart ? Was she important enough for you to focus your wholehearted attention on her when you were together ??   " 　　
當你跟你的愛人在一起時　你有多"付出"　　當你們在一起時他有重要到值得你全心的注意力嗎?  　

" In a relationship , you need to focus on the whole person , BY being more aware of their " GOOG " and " BAD "  qualities, you can address potential problems, instead of being sidetracked by them "  
談感情時　你需要全心在一整個人身上　你應該是要清楚另一半的"好"與"壞"的特質　但是你可以提出可能的潛在問題而不是被他們影響　　



" It is HARD to let go of the past if you have NOT learned from the PAST "    只有真心從過去中學習 你才能真正的忘懷過去  

"Two of the things that can rob you of the joy of the present include your negative thoughts about the past , and your negative thoughts about the future . "  
對過去的負面想法及對未來的負面想法會剝奪你的快樂



So I asked myself these questions   ~  我問了我自己這幾各問題　　

" Ｗhat happened in the past ? "  　過去發生了什麼事?     
" What did I learn from it ? "  我從過去學到了什麼?
" What can I do differently now ? "  我現在能夠用不同方法去處理事情嗎　?

But "  we don't have to be too hard on ourselves , just remember that we did the best we knew how at the time "    " The more we learn from the past , the fewer regrets we have "  但是我們不是要對自己太嚴苛儉視自己　記住我們在當下我們做了我們所能做的最好決定　　　我們能從過去學的越多　後悔會越少


" You can not change the past , but you can learn from it " 　　你不能改變過去　但是你可以從過去中學習　

" When the same situation arises , you can do things differently  " 　當有相同的情況發生時　你有不同的處理方式　


Humm..... I hadn't felt pain for a long while before I read this book .... and I was amazed while I was reading it ....  as I realised  that I had been doing some of what is mentioned in this book  .   I had tried to deny feeling the pain .... and I tried to distract myself by going to bars and having some so called " fun " ... before I finally admitted to myself that neither of those was what I really wanted or needed .... and none of them can give me the TRUE happiness ...  luckily , I realised it very quickly ....  in two weeks .. :) 

I chose to " embrace " the pain ......   to talk about it over and over again ..... instead of feeling  the pain , I was actually reflecting on my past ....  not what I have done wrong , but HOW I could do better now ...   and more I realised how I could do more differently in the present  .... ( I used to try to blame everything on others )  the more I feel relieved ...

Was I totally PRESENT in my former relationship ?   Yes , so I lost myself ..... without knowing it....    
And I was sidetracked by  his BAD qualities and was unable to see his Good ones ......     

Someone says that  a relationship ( with friends , with your family ....  ) is like a mirror  which reflects your  Authentic self ....  whether you are with your friends , lovers , business associates , or family members .... you can see your good and bad qualities , lust and fear ...good and evil .......    
and if you are in a relationship with someone who has a better inner self , then you will bring the best , positive part  out of  each other .....   
inthe other hand , if you happen to be in a relationship with someone who has a difficult personality , you will bring the worst , the ugliest part of you out of each other ... 

碰到內在質地好的對象　會映出彼此最正面的品行　　如果對方是各個性很糟糕的人　也會把你骨子裡最壞的脾氣給逼出來